20 Questions

I bet you thought you'd never hear from me again... And given that thought this latest entry is so appropriate.



I was out to eat with my family last night at Applebee's. My two little girls, though adorable, can become like nails to a chalkboard when they get even a little bit bored. Tonight was especially bad and out of the corner of my eye I could see my wife who was wearing an expression like she was about to jump up on our table and auction the girls of to the FIRST bidder (not even necessarily the highest). For the sake of keeping our sanity and out of prision, I decided that I would teach my little darlings, Taylor (3) and Rilee (2) a fun game: 20 questions.



"Girls," I said. "We're going to play a fun game where you get to ask Daddy a lot of questions. I'm going to pick one thing on the table and then you can ask me 'yes' or 'no' questions to find out what it is. You can ask questions like, 'Is it red?'"



Taylor: "Is it red Daddy?"



Me: "Uh... Well... wait for the game to start but yes, it is red."



I continued explaining the rules and we were off to a great start. By the end of the 8th question they had established, largely through Taylor's guesses, that the object was indeed red and sitting on the table where we were seated. Then Rilee took over with a line of questioning that would rival the late Johnny Cochrane (of OJ Simpson fame... "If it don't fit you must acquit"). It went like this:



Me: Ok Girls so you know that it is red and on the table.



Rilee (pointing to a red drink on the menu): It is that drink Daddy?



Me: No



Rilee (Pointing at the brown talbe): Is it.... the table?!?!



Me: Nope, Rilee I said it is red.



Rilee (Pointing at the window): Is it that?



Me: No.



Rilee (Pointing to a painting on the wall): Is it that?



Me: No.



Rilee (pointing to the white ceiling): Is it that?



Me: No.



This continued with Rilee rattling off questions like a machine gun. Fork? Spoon? Salt Shaker? Waitress? Needless to say they lost.



We finished our meal and we were trying to coax the girls from under the table so that we could pack up and go home. When we finally got them up we noticed that there was a lady standing at our table with a newborn and smiling at us. Oh crap.... I know this lady, or I should because she is certainly looking like she recognizes us. You see, Mandy and I are easy to spot in a crowd and we tend to stick out in people's memories. She thinks its because we are a bi-racial couple. I think its because I'm so handsome and fun. Anyway. I can tell it's game on.



Lady: Hey you two! We thought that we recognized you sitting over here. How have you been?



I look at Mandy who looks at me and neither of us is registering a name at this point. Is it a social taboo to demand to see the driver's license of anybody who strikes up a conversation that you have only met once or haven't see in the past 2 years?



Mandy (Question #1): We're good how about you?



Lady: Oh we're doing just fine we just are finishing up dinner. (That's no help)



Me (Question #2): I'm surprised that you guys remember us what are the chances of that?



Lady: Well "Bob" (name change) spotted you and so I thought that I'd come over and say "hi". How have you been doing?



Mandy (Question #3): We're doing great. We just moved back to the area after being gone for a few years. Are you guys living around here?



Lady: No we're up in Independence now. Where did you guys move from?

(AHA! Obviously not friends from Portland.... Good one Mandy.)



Me (Question #4): Oh we were up in Portland for Chiropractic School and I just opened a clinic down here. What's the last 4 digits of your social?



Lady: That's right I heard that you are a chiropractor now. I was just talking with some friends about how wierd it would be to have a friend of yours as you doctor. You know because they would have to see you naked and all.



Mandy (Question #5): What kind of clinic do you think we're running?!? Who are we going to be seeing naked?

(Not a great one for the game but yeah... what kind of clinic does she think we're running?)



Lady: Oh well I just meant for massages and stuff. So are you liking it?



Me (Question #6): Yeah... loving it. Look, who are some of the old friends that we have in common like....



Lady: We see "Betty" all the time. She said she'd never come see you either. Are these your girls?



Mandy (Question #7): Yep those are our two princesses. Now how many do you have?



Lady: 4 now.



Me (Question #8): And how many did you have last time we saw you?



Lady: What?



Mandy (Question #9): Yeah good question. When we saw you last did you have a child and if so how old?

Lady: Uh.... I don't know.

Jason (Question #10): Are you bigger than a bread box?

Lady: A what?

Mandy (Question #11): A bread box. You know where you keep bread. Just answer the question are you bigger than a bread box and are you somebody we would see on a daily basis?

Lady: You're making me nervous and scaring my baby.

Jason (Question #12): Animal, Mineral or vegetable huh? COME ON! ANIMAL, MINERAL, OR VEGETABLE!!!

At this point she turned to her husband and yelled, "HONEY START THE CAR! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE YOUNGS"

Bad news is that at this point she left with all four of her kids crying. Good news is that we ended up winning the game. If you're reading this now I want you to know that we remember you now. I'm sorry that we strung you along for a while but we remember you and your husband and now that we do it was good to see you! Technically you shouldn't feel bad that we didn't remember you right off the bat since you didn't even answer the last couple questions and we had about 8 left.