Couple Dating

Whenever you get married you tend to think that this is the end of your dating career, right? I know I did. My wife Mandy is very special to me. We met playing volleyball and if you've ever played sports with me you know that my favorite part of any game is the trash talk. I am of the opinion that any sport would be greatly enhanced by adding bonus points for quick wits rather than just quick reflexes. But this was the second thing that made me fall in love with Mandy (#1 was her smile of course). While she rarely hit a ball I sent over the net she was quick to return every taunt I sent her way. So after only two years I was able to talk her into marrying me. And that should have been it right? WRONG.

Little did I know, the fun had just started. We quickly entered the world of Team Dating. If you're married you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're single this is what you have to look forward to. But Team Dating is real. I'm not talking about anything freaky. Keep reading and I'll illustrate the point.

The first couple we ever dated we'll call: "The Smiths". Nevermind the fact that this was actually their names. They lived in our apartment complex just after we got married and we got along really well. Just about every night we would have dinner or play games or something fun. If we had some extra food we'd call the Smiths and when they made some dessert they'd call us. Something good happen? Call the Smiths. Need somebody you could trust? Call the Smiths. It was a great relationship. That is until a new couple from Hawaii moved into the complex.

It all began innocently enough. They were new in town and didn't know anybody. The power had just gone out in our complex and it was snowy outside. One thing led to another and before we knew it we all ended up going to the movies together. We found that we really liked this new couple. Not that we didn't like the Smiths any more, this new couple was just different and that was exciting. Pretty soon we would have them over every other night to play board games or have dessert and talk. Each time they came by we could draw the blinds or turn off the ringer to the phone. We were having fun with our new friends but neither Mandy nor I could shake the deep feeling of shame that came with each activity. Let's call a spade a spade.... We were cheating on the Smiths. Of course they caught us eventually. But imagine our suprise when we discovered that the Smiths had been cheating on US with the Hawaiian couple. THOSE TRAMPS!

Now once you have children you can no longer just date couples anymore. You now have to date whole families. It just can't really workout between you and a couple without children. Everytime they want to go to the movies it costs you twice as much because you have to pay for a sitter. Although they claim to, they can't really appreciate the destructive force of children in the home and why there are always toys in the floor. Trust me, we've tried. Ususally it is the couple that will break up with the family. Let's face it, after a few kids it's just hard to be "sexy" anymore.

We are dating a nice family now. Our kids play great together. We exchange meals four times a week. Guess who snapped the picture of us on our family blog... That's right it's the family we're dating. Most nights after all of the kids are in bed, the couple will come over and we play Mario Party 8 on the Wii. Sure we get together with other families but that's not "going steady". It's a really good relationship and I think it will be for quite a while.... that is unless some sleazy family from another tropical island moves in.

*** Note: We love all of our friends.

Bunco Debacle

Maybe you've heard of Bunco maybe you haven't. This entry isn't really about Bunco but that is the context in which my little tale will take place. Just so you know though, Bunco is a social game based on the rolling of dice to achieve certain roll values. Basically, its craps for Mormons. It's a wild good time where everybody does a lot of yelling and screaming and cursing at dice that won't do what you want them to do.

A few months back my wife was invited to join a group of stay-at-home-moms to be in a sort of Bunco "club". I just got a really great idea...I'm going to change the names of the parties involved not really to protect the innocent but because I think it will be fun. Don't read anything into the names I choose... please.... I can just see somebody freaking out thinking that I chose some name to be mean or tricky or something. I'm just chosing them because I get to. If you don't believe me then read somebody elses blog. Ok enough about the disclaimer.....

Anyway.... So "Paris Hilton" invited my wife to join this little Bunco club. I thought it was a great idea because it would give her a night away from the kids and a chance to hang out with other adults such as "Lindsay Lohan", "Britney Spears", and "Raven from 'That's So Raven'". (See how fun that is to use pretend names?) The first time a dozen of them got together, had a nice dinner, played some Bunco, gossiped, and exchanged tips for punishing kids. Mandy came home super late but had a great time. I thought this was going to be a beautiful thing. We even had it at our house once.

Well last night they played again and it was hosted by none other than "Hillary Clinton" who prepared a wonderful burrito bar for the ladies to enjoy. There was a record 18 women in attendance! At the end of the evening "Oprah" opened a can of worms. She brought up the cost of providing dinner for 18 people and wondered if instead she could provide desserts or appetizers when she hosted the next month's gathering. B I G M I S T A K E ! ! ! Suddenly the women began to do what the women do best. They created some serious drama. "The Obama Girl" said it wouldn't be fair if a full meal wasn't provided because everybody else had broken of about $100 for food when they hosted the event. Paris and Lindsey agreed. Oprah sent out an e-mail sent out an email to everybody to get their opinion. Some of the ladies like "Pink", "Jessica Simpson" and "RuPaul" didn't think that the dinner thing was such a big deal. "Cher" suggested that everybody pitch in or donate some money to the hostess. "Ally McBeal" was adamant that she wasn't going to pay somebody to cook for her. Paris insisted that everybody had agreed to take a turn and as such they women were bound and obligated to feed those original 12 and then the group could renegotiate how food was handled......

WAIT-A WAIT-A WAIT-A WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Do you see how obsurd this is? I thought the whole point was to get together, roll dice, and gossip. Food is just something you do because you're not some jerk and you know how to entertain guests. But it isn't the whole point of getting togehter. If this were guys getting together and "Denzel Washington" (Ok that one is actually me) decided that he wasn't going to serve pizza when the boys came over to play Madden '08, "Tom Cruise" wouldn't jump on the couch and start screaming about how much he loved pizza and whine about how this wasn't fair. Why? Because guys understand that the purpose of the gathering is to get away from the kids for a while, not to act like them. If the guys wanted to eat pizza that bad they would just tell "Denzel" that he sucked and then reset the game anytime he was about to score a touchdown for the rest of the night.

These ladies are acting like they are in some sort of professional Bunco league or something. What Commisioner? Are you going to fine whoever doesn't follow the league rules $250,000 and take away a Bunco draft pick next season? Will they also have to serve a 3 Bunco night suspension for not preparing cocktail weenies? If they only spend $98 on dinner instead of the $100 everybody else spent will any Bunco records they set forever have a dreaded * next to them in the history books? I'd hate to see what the WBL (Wive's Bunco League) hands down as punishment for performance enhancing drugs! (Welcome to Bunco night please pee in this cup before the opening roll).

Enough mockery. Bottom line ladies. Six-sided dice? They are easy to come by. I've even got a few of my own. Good friends? Child free moments? A good excuse to not wear sweat pants all day? SO much harder to come by. Don't you spend enough time fighting with your kids about food all day? Do you really need to do this with your friends? Life isn't fair... but you know that. Friends shouldn't run tabs with each other; it's your friend for crying out loud!

Here is the simple solution..... (I know because this is how guys would handle it).

LEAVE IT UP TO THE HOST. If she wants to provide food. Great! Otherwise.... GREAT! She's still your friend. You can still have a good time. If you're worried about your tummy rumbling bring your own snack big girl. (Not 'big' meaning fat but 'big' meaning... oh nevermind). Otherwise you can come play Madden with me and the boys. It's "Spiderman's" turn to bring the pizza this week. And he better or we'll tell his wife he's not really at the library studying.