Guys... you know what I'm talking about. Girls.... maybe it's not the same for you, but there is a phenomenon that occurs in the men's locker room. I notice it usually in the morning. Early in the morning. I'm talking 5:00-7:00 AM. Here's an example of it:
I had turned over a new leaf (trust me my tree is running out of leaves to turn over) and decided that I would workout for an hour before school. There are so many benefits to that.
#1) I get some exercise which I don't have time for at any other point in the day
#2) Exercise is great for a number of things from reducing low back pain (can you tell I'm a chiropractor) to reducing your risk of cardiovascular disease.
#3) A little exercise in the morning can give you a boost of energy for the day.
#4) I'm fat..... ANY HOOO...
I got up at 5:30 AM three days in a row. On the third day I was a little late waking up so after my workout I had to put in my contact lenses in the locker room. So, I had just showered and dressed and was in the process of putting in my left lense when this old fat dude waddles up to me dressed in only a towel tossed over his right shoulder. He enters my "bubble", you know my personal space, squints at me and says, "That's disgusting. I don't want to walk in here and see you diggin' in your eyeballs. Why would I want to look at that? Can't you do that at home?"
WHAT?!? Sir, there are parts of your body that haven't even dragged in from the showers. Your bloated, saggy, naked body is in my personal bubble and all you can think to do with your towel is keep your shoulder warm. You're calling my contact lense, which if I dropped it on the carpet you'd never find, DISGUSTING?
This really smacks at a greater issue. Let me illustrate further:
Another morning; another leaf. I've just come from the shower and I'm standing my towel trying to work the combination on my locker. Some middle age guy with glasses so thick he can surely see my future, walks up right behind me and shouts (because he's half deaf) "DO YOU WORK DOWNTOWN?". I try to ignore him because surely you don't just stroll up to some 240 lb black man, you've never met, while he's standing there in his towel and ask... WELL ANYTHING! But there he was. And there I was.
Look NEW RULE OK? If we haven't met before we walked into the locker room don't talk to me! If we haven't exchanged friendly nods, shook hands, stood in line by each other for the drinking fountain, or even parked in the same row of the parking lot. DON'T TALK TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN EITHER YOU OR I AM NAKED! Ok? Can we do that for each other? Can we have that level of non-freakiness and respect? And for crying out loud... if you have the towel, cover your wrinkly JUNK!
Thanks in Advance!
-Jason Young
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9 comments:
Another enlightening blog entry from Jason!
Nice Jason thanks for that laugh. Early in the morning at the gym's you do encounter some very interesting people, and yes they really do walk around naked. Like hey look at me....GROSS
A. Lashmett
I'm one month from entering a world where I will be forced to shower in one big room with women and I'm not that excited about it. Not that I'm terrified, but like you, am not looking forward to naked, locker room conversations. They're never pleasant. Plus, only the truly weird people talk to strangers when they're naked. I'm likely to start up a conversation on a flight or during the awkward silence of an elevator ride, but never under any circumstance will I strike up conversation while I'm naked. Its part of a code I live by.
Glasses so thick he can surely see my future...hahaha
Loved your story, too funny. But, really what did you expect, only crazy people get up that early! Sleep in, avoid the weirdos!
OHMYGOSH I laughed like crazy at this! I had the same experience, only with my aerobics teacher who had a discussion with me sans clothing. I did not know where to look and was very uncomfortable.
Thanks for the laugh. My husband enjoyed a good guffaw from this as well!
Maybe you've just been sending out this unconcious vibe to the universe saying "old naked men...come to me please...I need to be freaked out by you!" hee hee!
ha ha ha, you probably don't remember me, I'm Chrystal Johnstons sister, we met a while back... anyhow, all's I have to say is ha ha ha, you made my day that's HILARIOUS!!! it's moments like this that make me happy I'm not a man, and mostly not a man standing naked in a mens change room with middle aged wrinkly men trying to invade my bubble!! lol!!
Goodness gracious, Jason, that is freaky! Something that would NEVER happen in a women's locker room. We're good at keeping our "junk" under wraps.
Amy
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