~-=**`~... BLOG WARS ~-=**`~...

You've waited a long time for it and now it's here.... It's not just any blog... It's the blog about...



It's like the first day of school. You know when you had just been back to school shopping the week before and you wanted to wear the very best outfit you picked up. You wanted to do this because everybody was going to judge you on how great your summer was and how cool you would be in the year to come by what you had on. You probably spent hours setting out clothes on the bed, wiping invisible spots from your new shoes, and wishing that you had an extra set of legs so that you could wear the acid wash 501's and your Bugle Boy jeans. Now don't go projecting on me! It's not like I ever did any of these things. I was too cool to care.

What's like dressing for the first day of school? Blogs of course! It's BLOG WARS out there and everybody must bring their A-game. Otherwise what will people really think of your family reunion at Aunt Millie's Ferret Farm or your new backyard landscaping or little Bobby's first poopy diaper or the time your husband took the trash out and forgot to put the lid on. People have to know these things because they need to know how cool you are! You are cool.... right?

One of my favorite possessions in the world is our digital SLR camera. Why? Because even though I stink at photography, the camera makes me look like a pro. Sometimes people will look at one of my photos and say, "Jason, I love the way that you captured the light and motion in this picture." I say, "Yes, I'm glad you noticed and the details of the shot weren't wasted on you." But what I mean is, "I tripped over the curb behind me as I was clicking the picture and I got lucky." Anyway... get a digital SLR, very forgiving and a huge ego boost. But the reason I bring up the camera is that I was shooting some pictures of my daughters and a lady came up to me and asked about the camera. She said it was just what she needed. Oh yeah? Why? Well because she is tired of reading her friends blogs and seeing their perfect Kiddy Kandid's quality photographs while she had something more along the lines of camera phone pictures on hers. I asked what will happen once she gets some better pictures on her blog. She looked at me and said, "Well then I.... um... i...." and walked away.


I knew just what she meant though. For example you may have noticed that your pictures come out looking like this:



But your friend's blog has the same picture but it looks like this:





POP QUIZ: Who's the better Mom?


Well if you said the mom who took the first picture you're dead wrong. I mean how can you life be anything short of perfect if whenever you take pictures of you sweet little angels, the contrast and color balance are perfect, the shadows are properly adjusted and hearts spontaneously pop onto the exposure. Better mom, better kids, better life.


Or how about this:


Dearest Blog Readers:


Today I was reflecting on what a marvelous little child I have. Rilee is so in touch with nature and all of God's beautiful creations. She loves to play in rolling fields all day because the weather is always perfect where we live. Just look at our perfect princess! I'm just sorry you all don't have one half as good as she is. See? This typical photograph of her says it all:





NOW LETS BE HONEST. This is a picture I snapped of Rilee pooping her pants in a field in the middle of the country in North Carolina. But I'd never put that in a blog.... That would be like wearing the old gray Fila sweat pants with the black Atlanta Hawks sweatshirt and beige dress socks I have on to my first day of school.

Good luck soldiers. May the 'farce' be with you.