Couple Dating

Whenever you get married you tend to think that this is the end of your dating career, right? I know I did. My wife Mandy is very special to me. We met playing volleyball and if you've ever played sports with me you know that my favorite part of any game is the trash talk. I am of the opinion that any sport would be greatly enhanced by adding bonus points for quick wits rather than just quick reflexes. But this was the second thing that made me fall in love with Mandy (#1 was her smile of course). While she rarely hit a ball I sent over the net she was quick to return every taunt I sent her way. So after only two years I was able to talk her into marrying me. And that should have been it right? WRONG.

Little did I know, the fun had just started. We quickly entered the world of Team Dating. If you're married you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're single this is what you have to look forward to. But Team Dating is real. I'm not talking about anything freaky. Keep reading and I'll illustrate the point.

The first couple we ever dated we'll call: "The Smiths". Nevermind the fact that this was actually their names. They lived in our apartment complex just after we got married and we got along really well. Just about every night we would have dinner or play games or something fun. If we had some extra food we'd call the Smiths and when they made some dessert they'd call us. Something good happen? Call the Smiths. Need somebody you could trust? Call the Smiths. It was a great relationship. That is until a new couple from Hawaii moved into the complex.

It all began innocently enough. They were new in town and didn't know anybody. The power had just gone out in our complex and it was snowy outside. One thing led to another and before we knew it we all ended up going to the movies together. We found that we really liked this new couple. Not that we didn't like the Smiths any more, this new couple was just different and that was exciting. Pretty soon we would have them over every other night to play board games or have dessert and talk. Each time they came by we could draw the blinds or turn off the ringer to the phone. We were having fun with our new friends but neither Mandy nor I could shake the deep feeling of shame that came with each activity. Let's call a spade a spade.... We were cheating on the Smiths. Of course they caught us eventually. But imagine our suprise when we discovered that the Smiths had been cheating on US with the Hawaiian couple. THOSE TRAMPS!

Now once you have children you can no longer just date couples anymore. You now have to date whole families. It just can't really workout between you and a couple without children. Everytime they want to go to the movies it costs you twice as much because you have to pay for a sitter. Although they claim to, they can't really appreciate the destructive force of children in the home and why there are always toys in the floor. Trust me, we've tried. Ususally it is the couple that will break up with the family. Let's face it, after a few kids it's just hard to be "sexy" anymore.

We are dating a nice family now. Our kids play great together. We exchange meals four times a week. Guess who snapped the picture of us on our family blog... That's right it's the family we're dating. Most nights after all of the kids are in bed, the couple will come over and we play Mario Party 8 on the Wii. Sure we get together with other families but that's not "going steady". It's a really good relationship and I think it will be for quite a while.... that is unless some sleazy family from another tropical island moves in.

*** Note: We love all of our friends.

Bunco Debacle

Maybe you've heard of Bunco maybe you haven't. This entry isn't really about Bunco but that is the context in which my little tale will take place. Just so you know though, Bunco is a social game based on the rolling of dice to achieve certain roll values. Basically, its craps for Mormons. It's a wild good time where everybody does a lot of yelling and screaming and cursing at dice that won't do what you want them to do.

A few months back my wife was invited to join a group of stay-at-home-moms to be in a sort of Bunco "club". I just got a really great idea...I'm going to change the names of the parties involved not really to protect the innocent but because I think it will be fun. Don't read anything into the names I choose... please.... I can just see somebody freaking out thinking that I chose some name to be mean or tricky or something. I'm just chosing them because I get to. If you don't believe me then read somebody elses blog. Ok enough about the disclaimer.....

Anyway.... So "Paris Hilton" invited my wife to join this little Bunco club. I thought it was a great idea because it would give her a night away from the kids and a chance to hang out with other adults such as "Lindsay Lohan", "Britney Spears", and "Raven from 'That's So Raven'". (See how fun that is to use pretend names?) The first time a dozen of them got together, had a nice dinner, played some Bunco, gossiped, and exchanged tips for punishing kids. Mandy came home super late but had a great time. I thought this was going to be a beautiful thing. We even had it at our house once.

Well last night they played again and it was hosted by none other than "Hillary Clinton" who prepared a wonderful burrito bar for the ladies to enjoy. There was a record 18 women in attendance! At the end of the evening "Oprah" opened a can of worms. She brought up the cost of providing dinner for 18 people and wondered if instead she could provide desserts or appetizers when she hosted the next month's gathering. B I G M I S T A K E ! ! ! Suddenly the women began to do what the women do best. They created some serious drama. "The Obama Girl" said it wouldn't be fair if a full meal wasn't provided because everybody else had broken of about $100 for food when they hosted the event. Paris and Lindsey agreed. Oprah sent out an e-mail sent out an email to everybody to get their opinion. Some of the ladies like "Pink", "Jessica Simpson" and "RuPaul" didn't think that the dinner thing was such a big deal. "Cher" suggested that everybody pitch in or donate some money to the hostess. "Ally McBeal" was adamant that she wasn't going to pay somebody to cook for her. Paris insisted that everybody had agreed to take a turn and as such they women were bound and obligated to feed those original 12 and then the group could renegotiate how food was handled......

WAIT-A WAIT-A WAIT-A WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Do you see how obsurd this is? I thought the whole point was to get together, roll dice, and gossip. Food is just something you do because you're not some jerk and you know how to entertain guests. But it isn't the whole point of getting togehter. If this were guys getting together and "Denzel Washington" (Ok that one is actually me) decided that he wasn't going to serve pizza when the boys came over to play Madden '08, "Tom Cruise" wouldn't jump on the couch and start screaming about how much he loved pizza and whine about how this wasn't fair. Why? Because guys understand that the purpose of the gathering is to get away from the kids for a while, not to act like them. If the guys wanted to eat pizza that bad they would just tell "Denzel" that he sucked and then reset the game anytime he was about to score a touchdown for the rest of the night.

These ladies are acting like they are in some sort of professional Bunco league or something. What Commisioner? Are you going to fine whoever doesn't follow the league rules $250,000 and take away a Bunco draft pick next season? Will they also have to serve a 3 Bunco night suspension for not preparing cocktail weenies? If they only spend $98 on dinner instead of the $100 everybody else spent will any Bunco records they set forever have a dreaded * next to them in the history books? I'd hate to see what the WBL (Wive's Bunco League) hands down as punishment for performance enhancing drugs! (Welcome to Bunco night please pee in this cup before the opening roll).

Enough mockery. Bottom line ladies. Six-sided dice? They are easy to come by. I've even got a few of my own. Good friends? Child free moments? A good excuse to not wear sweat pants all day? SO much harder to come by. Don't you spend enough time fighting with your kids about food all day? Do you really need to do this with your friends? Life isn't fair... but you know that. Friends shouldn't run tabs with each other; it's your friend for crying out loud!

Here is the simple solution..... (I know because this is how guys would handle it).

LEAVE IT UP TO THE HOST. If she wants to provide food. Great! Otherwise.... GREAT! She's still your friend. You can still have a good time. If you're worried about your tummy rumbling bring your own snack big girl. (Not 'big' meaning fat but 'big' meaning... oh nevermind). Otherwise you can come play Madden with me and the boys. It's "Spiderman's" turn to bring the pizza this week. And he better or we'll tell his wife he's not really at the library studying.

Please... Just leave me alone.

Guys... you know what I'm talking about. Girls.... maybe it's not the same for you, but there is a phenomenon that occurs in the men's locker room. I notice it usually in the morning. Early in the morning. I'm talking 5:00-7:00 AM. Here's an example of it:

I had turned over a new leaf (trust me my tree is running out of leaves to turn over) and decided that I would workout for an hour before school. There are so many benefits to that.

#1) I get some exercise which I don't have time for at any other point in the day
#2) Exercise is great for a number of things from reducing low back pain (can you tell I'm a chiropractor) to reducing your risk of cardiovascular disease.
#3) A little exercise in the morning can give you a boost of energy for the day.
#4) I'm fat..... ANY HOOO...

I got up at 5:30 AM three days in a row. On the third day I was a little late waking up so after my workout I had to put in my contact lenses in the locker room. So, I had just showered and dressed and was in the process of putting in my left lense when this old fat dude waddles up to me dressed in only a towel tossed over his right shoulder. He enters my "bubble", you know my personal space, squints at me and says, "That's disgusting. I don't want to walk in here and see you diggin' in your eyeballs. Why would I want to look at that? Can't you do that at home?"

WHAT?!? Sir, there are parts of your body that haven't even dragged in from the showers. Your bloated, saggy, naked body is in my personal bubble and all you can think to do with your towel is keep your shoulder warm. You're calling my contact lense, which if I dropped it on the carpet you'd never find, DISGUSTING?

This really smacks at a greater issue. Let me illustrate further:

Another morning; another leaf. I've just come from the shower and I'm standing my towel trying to work the combination on my locker. Some middle age guy with glasses so thick he can surely see my future, walks up right behind me and shouts (because he's half deaf) "DO YOU WORK DOWNTOWN?". I try to ignore him because surely you don't just stroll up to some 240 lb black man, you've never met, while he's standing there in his towel and ask... WELL ANYTHING! But there he was. And there I was.

Look NEW RULE OK? If we haven't met before we walked into the locker room don't talk to me! If we haven't exchanged friendly nods, shook hands, stood in line by each other for the drinking fountain, or even parked in the same row of the parking lot. DON'T TALK TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN EITHER YOU OR I AM NAKED! Ok? Can we do that for each other? Can we have that level of non-freakiness and respect? And for crying out loud... if you have the towel, cover your wrinkly JUNK!

Thanks in Advance!

-Jason Young

No Idols Before Me (American or Otherwise)

In this blog I will wax philosophical and religious. If you're not down with that... I won't apologize... my blog, my rules. But if you're a heathen consider yourself duly warned and I hope you appreciate that I've just saved you some time with this subtle warning. :D

Now... The second Sunday of every month I teach the Elders at church. This week the topic was the first commandment: "Thou shalt have no other Gods before me." It was a really cool experience teaching it this week because it was one of those experiences where I was learning as I was teaching. The Holy Ghost brought things to my mind which were better than what I prepared. Here is the gist of what I learned in my lesson today.

Me and Mandy took the little girls to the Clark County Fair just a little north of Vancouver, WA. It was a total blast. We saw all of the interesting things there including a monster truck rally. I found myself feeling escpecially red neckish as I whooped at truck hurling over mudpits and dirt mounds. We rode some rides and ate the fair food (and paid the price later).

We always go to the pavilion. I remember when I was in middle school I could never understand what was cool about the pavilion with rows and rows of overpriced cookware, waterproof house siding, airbrushed T-Shirts, etc. But now that I'm a boring adult testing the limits of mortality at 30 years old, it's the most interesting thing at the fair. Go figure.

This year I was really on the lookout for chiropractors. You may have seen them at fairs before doing evaluations of people's spines with crazy electronic devices or contraptions with colored strings. There is some debate in the world of chiropractic as to whether this is just a practice for hacks. Since I'm planning on starting a practice in January I wanted to see if this is a marketing tool I want to use. So I talked to all of the chiropractors I saw there. One guy in particular gave me his card and told me that he does some coaching for people who want to improve their chiropractic practice.

I noticed that on his card he had the symbol of a cross worked into his logo and a scripture on the back. When I got home and checked his website he gave me, it was full of Christian influence. He was very up front with his ideas about the benefits of faith in God and the values of chiropractic. His faith was very pervasive in his marketing materials. I started to wonder.... I this guy a better Christian than I because his faith is such an outward expression?

I shared this story and posed the question to the class. I heard a range of responses from ideas that he does this to attract Christian clientele to his pushing his beliefs too much on other people. My thoughts were that he was being genuine and that I admired his fearlessness in expressing his faith. For my own clinic I have purchased art that contains quotes from the modern prophets that I plan to display in each treatment room. But to me this seemed that this man, who is very financially successful, puts nothing before God.

Then I began to think about the scripture that says: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." This is when a great revelation came. I am always thinking/praying: "God if you will just give me I promise I will use it for your glory, to spread the gospel, etc." or "God when I am rich I will feed the hungry and clothe the naked, if you'll just make me rich." THERE'S A PROBLEM HERE. I have it backwards don't I? The commandment is that I will put no other gods BEFORE Him. Or in other words, I shouldn't be desiring the "tools" I think I need to do His work first. I should be feeding the hungry and clothing the naked right now. It's Kingdom first.... Things second, even if the things are for the kindgom.

Here I was asking about how to make my dream of having a chiropractic clinic, helping my community, healing people, supporting my family, etc. at the CLARK COUNTY FAIR! With all of the things I want my clinic and my career to mean I was looking for guidance in the exhibition hall among the ginsu knives and miracle cleaning solutions. If I was putting the kingdom first I would be praying more, fasting, looking heavenward more for my marketing plan. I know that God puts people in our paths to help us but if I'm being honest with myself (and now everybody reading) I was putting my clinic before the kingdom, not the other way around. Before seeking His help I wanted to see what my colleagues thought.

WAIT! Do you hear that? It's the sound of me changing my focus. I need to approach this whole thing from the top down rather than from my head or my heart.

Another epiphany was related to the idea that God is a jealous God. It says this several times in the Old Testament. The phrase never really sat too well with me. I mean, jealousy is bad right? I picture jealousy and see some bratty kid whining because they don't have ice cream. Or I see some ex-boyfriend punching out new boyfriend over a girl. The thought just goes contrary to my whole concept of and experience with God. BUT today I finally got it.

If you are the parent of a teenager, at some point you have to come to grips with the fact that the major influencing factor in just about every decision your child makes is not you. It is his or her friends. This is absolutely true. Think back to your teen years or read any number of research studies that have been done on the topic. It's friends first during adolescence. How must that feel when it comes to the more important decisions in life that my little girl will be more interested in what little Sally, who's parents don't care how she dresses, thinks than in my opinion? I'm sure I'll make the top 10 opinions that matter, but it might hurt that I'm not number 1 or at least second place to my wife. Now it makes sense. THIS is the jealousy that God feels. Wait a minute! That's not jealousy at all! It's LOVE!

God loves us and knows what's best for us, just the same way that I'll know whats better for my daughter when she's 13 than any kid at school. It must hurt when we decide that the guy at the county fair has a better idea of what we need than He does. Now, I know that when I pray more for His help with my clinic an operations manual and an $80,000 small business grant is not necessarily going to plop onto my door mat. BUT I will find that I will receive the most perfect guidance and the best gifts from Him. God is perfect. He CAN'T do less than His best, and His best is perfection. What more could I possibly ask for?

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Even if the other gods can cut through a tin can and still slice paper-thin tomato slices.

The FIRST ever BLOG SNOB AWARD!

Well, my last blog entry was inspiring... for me at least. There was a comment left by a girl named Carrie. Who is Carrie you ask? Honestly, I had no idea. My wife later let on that it is one of her friends. This is how I found out.

Me: Hey some random chick left a comment on my blog. That's cool. I have no idea who she is.

Her: Some random chick?

Me: Yeah some girl named Carrie. She lives in Utah. I guess she has a blog of her own I'm looking at the pictures right now.

Her: WHAT?!? Some strange woman is sending you pictures over the Internet? Nobody leaves a message on MY man's blog like that. Let me see a picture of that ..... [tearing the laptop from my hands examining the picture] Oh, that's just my friend Carrie from back home!

Ok, ok... maybe that was a little over dramatized. It was more like:

Me: Who the heck is Carrie Burt?

Her: That's my friend from back home!

See TOTALLY boring. So I went with the other version.

Anyway. I decided to check out her blog and was reading a post about how she just joined the Air force. BUT there was something in this blog that caught my eye. It was this sentence:

"Just think about all the awesome blogs I'm going to get to write! All of my decisions in life are based on whether it would make a good blog or not."

Now THAT is gratuitous blogging and an embodiment of everything that a Blog Snob is. So in Carrie's honor I developed an official Blog Snob Award. She is the first recipient of this high honor. Go check out her Blog.... She has absolutely no shame. I love it :D.

http://ceeburt.blogspot.com/

Look for future Blog Snob awards. Maybe your blog will earn one some day and you can post the award on your blog with pride. I will be awarding them every...... Every time I feel like it of course!

~-=**`~... BLOG WARS ~-=**`~...

You've waited a long time for it and now it's here.... It's not just any blog... It's the blog about...



It's like the first day of school. You know when you had just been back to school shopping the week before and you wanted to wear the very best outfit you picked up. You wanted to do this because everybody was going to judge you on how great your summer was and how cool you would be in the year to come by what you had on. You probably spent hours setting out clothes on the bed, wiping invisible spots from your new shoes, and wishing that you had an extra set of legs so that you could wear the acid wash 501's and your Bugle Boy jeans. Now don't go projecting on me! It's not like I ever did any of these things. I was too cool to care.

What's like dressing for the first day of school? Blogs of course! It's BLOG WARS out there and everybody must bring their A-game. Otherwise what will people really think of your family reunion at Aunt Millie's Ferret Farm or your new backyard landscaping or little Bobby's first poopy diaper or the time your husband took the trash out and forgot to put the lid on. People have to know these things because they need to know how cool you are! You are cool.... right?

One of my favorite possessions in the world is our digital SLR camera. Why? Because even though I stink at photography, the camera makes me look like a pro. Sometimes people will look at one of my photos and say, "Jason, I love the way that you captured the light and motion in this picture." I say, "Yes, I'm glad you noticed and the details of the shot weren't wasted on you." But what I mean is, "I tripped over the curb behind me as I was clicking the picture and I got lucky." Anyway... get a digital SLR, very forgiving and a huge ego boost. But the reason I bring up the camera is that I was shooting some pictures of my daughters and a lady came up to me and asked about the camera. She said it was just what she needed. Oh yeah? Why? Well because she is tired of reading her friends blogs and seeing their perfect Kiddy Kandid's quality photographs while she had something more along the lines of camera phone pictures on hers. I asked what will happen once she gets some better pictures on her blog. She looked at me and said, "Well then I.... um... i...." and walked away.


I knew just what she meant though. For example you may have noticed that your pictures come out looking like this:



But your friend's blog has the same picture but it looks like this:





POP QUIZ: Who's the better Mom?


Well if you said the mom who took the first picture you're dead wrong. I mean how can you life be anything short of perfect if whenever you take pictures of you sweet little angels, the contrast and color balance are perfect, the shadows are properly adjusted and hearts spontaneously pop onto the exposure. Better mom, better kids, better life.


Or how about this:


Dearest Blog Readers:


Today I was reflecting on what a marvelous little child I have. Rilee is so in touch with nature and all of God's beautiful creations. She loves to play in rolling fields all day because the weather is always perfect where we live. Just look at our perfect princess! I'm just sorry you all don't have one half as good as she is. See? This typical photograph of her says it all:





NOW LETS BE HONEST. This is a picture I snapped of Rilee pooping her pants in a field in the middle of the country in North Carolina. But I'd never put that in a blog.... That would be like wearing the old gray Fila sweat pants with the black Atlanta Hawks sweatshirt and beige dress socks I have on to my first day of school.

Good luck soldiers. May the 'farce' be with you.

The wave of the Future; The Future is Blogs; The Future is NOW!

Do you remember when you were in grade school? They would hand our those "Reader Rick" or some other little pamphlet to stimulate a 1st graders interest in reading? I remember those because every once in a while they would publish some article about the future. Apparently in the year 2000 we were supposed to have automatic pilot cars that if the traffic on the road got too bad could launch into the air and fly you the rest of the way to work. I recently watched Back to the Future II and according to that movie, in the year 2015 most cars would be flying, clothes would adjust themselves to fit us, and people could get robotic implants to become super strong. Granted, for them 2015 was about 30 years in the future how could they possibly know what to expect? For us however, it is only 8 years away and the bigger concern than getting your car off of the ground is affording gas to put in the car.

I guess my point is that the future wound up being something that nobody expected. The 4th of July weekend really drove (yes drove in a hovercar) that home to me.

I was attending a close friend's wedding reception back home in Corvallis. It was a beautiful event held in their yard on an even more beautiful summer evening. Picture round white tables on deep green grass, badminton, croquet, trampolines, large shade trees, a jungle gym covered with children while some smooth music played in the background. There were dozens of people with or without shoes, socializing, eating, and laughing. Sometimes there was a handshake exchanged at an introduction or an embrace shared at a reunion. Who would have thought that the future would look so organic as this? No streets paved in corrugated metal or flying commuter vehicles in sight.

However, the 21st century had it's fingerprints all over this gathering. Let me illustrate by sharing a conversation I heard more than twice that night:

Person A: Hi I'm A I'm so glad to finally meet you.

Person B: Oh A! I'm B! It's good to meet you too! I feel like we've know each other for so long.

Person A: How are your little girls? They are SO adorable!

Person B: Oh did you see them running around here? They weren't pouring lemonade in each other's hair again were they?

Person A: OH you brought your girls along? I haven't seen them here.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Why are two people who are literally meeting for the first time, not being introduced by a common acquaintance, chatting like old friends? Keep eavesdropping. You'll find out what the future has done.

Person B: You haven't seen them running around? They're always getting into some sort of trouble.

Person A: I know I read about your family every week on your Blog.

LADIES and GENTLEMEN.... the future.

It was amazing to see a gathering of so many people who had never met yet were so intimately informed on each other's lives, families, and ideas. It was fascinating! Then the conversation would morph into discussing another person at the party who neither A or B had met in person.
It was a startling web of connectivity that has never existed in the history of the world.

I'm impressed at how many people read THIS Blog. I intended this place as more of a journal that I don't mind others reading but I have never really advertised it. I've never e-mailed anyone and said, "Check out whats going on in my life! Hear my thoughts and ideas". Yet here you are. Occasionally I will include it in my profile on some online account and then there is the link to my family's Blog. It was shocking the first time I saw a comment posted.

I'll be honest, sometimes it freaks me out. I used to think it was a bad idea being so informed on everythign that was going on in a distant friends life because what would you talk about when you got back together? But it has actually had the opposite effect. Or I could say that it has the opposite affect. It is kind of nice to still feel connected to so many friends even if it is from an altitude of 30,000 feet. I have to admit, my wife does most of the blog reading for our family. Several hours a week in fact. But I get to hear all of the highlights!

So I'm curious (as a result) how many of you are there? If you have a Blog would you post the URL in a comment on this message?

Ok this sucker is way too long now. I'll add more later. I originally intended to write about what I call "Blog Wars" or "Blog Snobs" but I waxed all philosophical about the invisible threads that BLAH BLAH BLAH.