What's in a Nickname?

One of the best things about me is my name. First of all Jason is not an easy name to make fun of. Aside from an occasional dorky remark (and I've heard them all) every Friday the 13th, what are you going to call me? Basin? Mason? Quason or some other nonsense? Its much better than a guy I saw on Monday night football. He's a wide receiver for the Indianapolis Colts... Craphonso Thorpe. That's not a typo that's Crap-honso. Let your imagination go wild and somebody please slap his momma.

My middle name is Jamaal. I always thought that was an exceptionally cool name. In fact in highschool I tried going by Jamaal a few times. It was just interesting and a wee bit "blacker" if you know what I mean. But you know that first day of class when the teacher calls off the roll and asks what you want to be called? I would always forget that I was Jamaal and not Jason. So that's how I missed out on a career in Rap music. When you put it all together the name Jason means "Healer". Jamaal means "Handsome". So literally, my name means Young handsome doctor. Look at me now!

But I do have other names. My family calls me "JJ" short for Jason Jamaal. My dad and sisters call me "Jase-a-Face" or "Face" for short. And partially as a by-product of this blog's title, others will call me "Jay" from time to time. I still like the name Jason the best. I do have one nickname that you will NEVER hear from me. Don't ask my wife; don't ask my family. They know that they will forever be cut off from free adjustments if they utter it. Trust me... that is a price that is too high for the risk. The name will henceforth be refered to in print as Jay-!@#%*. That isn't actual profanity but to me it is. Don't try to extrapolate or read into what it possibly could be. It's a string of nonsensical words developed by my mom back when artificial sweeteners were still experimental. The bottomline is leave it alone.

Aren't nicknames a wierd phenomenon? I can understand some of them. For instance if you were Homer and Marge Simpson you would naturally call little Bartholemew, Bart because it is so much easier to yell. Others are completely understandable. A buddy of mine had a girl at his highschool who was nicknamed "Big Boobs McGee". 'Nuff said. Yet there is a whole class of nicknames that make no sense at all. Specifically, I'm talking about names that save you no time and aren't practical in the way that Miss McGee's name was.

I'm guilty as well. We call our little girl Taylor "Tay-Tay" or "T-Marie". Rilee to us is "Rizzle-Roo", "Rizzle", or "Riles". When she was a baby she had a lot of tummy troubles and I would sleep with her every night on the couch. We got to be close that way at a time in my life that I didn't have very much time for my children. So I called her "Bud" because she was my little buddy. Now I'm trying out "Rudy" because she's so spunky and I think that Rudy is a spunky name. If you don't think so please refer to Rudy Huxtable of the Cosby Show or that movie with Samwise playing football for Notre Dame.

Here is what I think its all about. Nicknames can be more descriptive of us than our real names (with the obvious exeception of Jay-$#@!%). We're not one of those crazy Hippy couples who waits until our kid is 3 years old to let them pick their own name. That's how you get people name Zippy Featherpickle or Gooby. The names we choose for our children embody the hopes we have for their future. When we have a son we will name him Lincoln because it seems like a noble and respectable name with a cool nickname - "Link". We would not name our child Chester which flows all to easily with "the Molestor". But nicknames are how we feel about some one - good or bad. If your name is Robert but you're a boring Robert your name is Bob. If you're a fun Robert you're a Bobby or Robby. If you're a cool Robert you're name is Rob. If your a doofus your name is Bobert.

I guess there's one other thing thats great about nicknames. When it's not going on a birth certificate or drivers license you don't need your spouses permission to call your child Miss Cleopatra Pickypants of the North Farcrumpia Shickleshank Clan. (A name I'm looking at trying out on Taylor in the near future.)

-Jay-$#@$#!%